Find A Way, Make A Way

Contrary to popular belief, I don't whine that much.  I also AM grateful for what I have.   However, I would like a break for a change.  I know things could always be worse - but it feels like I'm hitting rock bottom.  If we don't make a car payment soon, it will be repossessed and the rent is due by the 10th.  These are our two biggest expenses every month.  I haven't been able to pay child support in two years but luckily it's only $50 per month.  I'm two months behind on my storage unit but my stuff won't get sold unless I get way behind.  The list goes on...

All my life I've fought for what I've had.  I was abused physically, emotionally, and sexually most of my childhood and teen years by my mom's second husband.  Because of him, we never had extra anything.  One summer when I was 10 or 11 years old, we lived at the lake because our utilities got shut off in our house.  We stayed with random family here and there because we sometimes didn't have a place to live at all.  Sometimes we barely had food.  It was like Christmas when we'd hit the local food pantries, but we could only do that every few weeks.  I started babysitting at age 11 and had my first job as a waitress at 13 just so I had money.  When I was old enough to work, I had to buy my own school supplies, clothes, pay for school trips, cheerleading uniforms, and eventually my own food if I wanted to eat.  If I wanted something, I had to buy it myself.  Ramblings, I know...

I guess my point is, most of my life has been a struggle and I just want to catch a break.  I want to be able to pay my basic bills and not worry.  I want to be able to pay rent AND the car payment, not one or the other.  I want to be able to help others when they need it, too.  I hate asking for help and would always rather help others instead, but I can't even take care of my own family at this point.

I've always been that ¨Find a way, make a way¨ type of girl but I'm pretty well stuck.  What the hell do I do?