Au Natural

I was told the other day I'm way too negative and family members are worried.  I was actually told some other not-so-nice things, but I won't go into that.  It really hurt to hear, because these are the few people I actually care about, and even days later, it's still weighing heavily on my mind.

I eased off my Cymbalta early this year, which was pulling double duty; keeping my flare ups down and helping with depression.  I got off it under doctor's care because I've been taking them for years and they're very expensive.  I was getting them for free through a church program but once I was back on insurance, I didn't qualify for free pills.  The insurance I had didn't cover them either... I can't pay over $250 a month for meds.  Anyway, I became a zombie on Cymbalta.  I had no emotions, good or bad.  Now that I've been off it for several months, I tend to get more upset, irritated, etc., but I can't help wondering if that's just my nature.  Then I wonder if I should change or if people should just accept me as I am, bitchy and negative at times.  Should I go back on antidepressants or not?  I don't know what to do but I really hate the thought of taking mind-altering meds again.

As far as the negativity, I honestly thought I was doing better.  I was making a point of posting something happy or something that made me feel better online every day.  I was told that I haven't been doing better, so I guess I was just fooling myself.  I keep replaying that whole conversation in my head and it just breaks my heart.  Am I really that bad?  Do I really believe the world revolves around me?  I didn't think so; I try to do what I can to help others all the time, but if someone is telling me these things maybe it's true.  Maybe I do need to get over myself...