Fun and Frustration

I know I haven't blogged in awhile.  I've been busy with Toby the Rescue Rat.  If you're friends with me on Facebook, you already know the story.  He's my sweet boy and gives me something to look forward to each day.  He'll be three weeks old tomorrow and is in his independent stage now, wanting to explore and taste test crumbs on the floor.  Toby makes me happy and takes my mind off things.

I've been so exhausted the past few days, like I'm always drugged.  That feeling you have when you come out from anesthesia and everything is fuzzy...that's very close to how I've felt.  I honestly don't know how I've functioned at times.  I also went cane shopping.  Once in awhile my legs feel like they're not going to work, so I thought I'd get a cane to use occasionally.  I don't want people to think I'm milking my condition though.  I shouldn't care...but I do.

Some days the pain is overwhelming.  I just want to curl up in a ball and stay in bed, but I can't.  Life still happens and there's nothing I can do about it.  It's very frustrating when I can't do the things I want, when I want.  I let people down and that's not the type of person I am.  I'm supposed to be independent and taking care of others, not me needing the help.  I hate it.

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but some days it's really hard.  Like today.

Family Affair

Cydney is home this weekend...now I'm trying to figure out how to tell her about my Fibro.  Over the years, she's always given me a hard time about needing naps in the afternoon and not being able to do as much.  Recently, she mentions my weight a lot and always telling me not to eat so much, joking about my big butt, etc. which now I'm figuring out my weight gain has a lot to do with Fibro.  Anyway, I don't want her to think I'm just a fat, lazy mom.  Now that I have a name for my condition, I want her to understand that it is why I am the way I am.  We did tell her a few months ago about Nathan's MS and she seemed to understand that it's serious but he's ok, it's not contagious and so on...she's pretty smart.


I haven't told my mom about my diagnosis either.  She knows I haven't been doing well lately and I mentioned I thought it was Fibro, but I didn't bring it up when I saw her yesterday.  She can see the way I walk and how hard it is for me to stand after sitting, but I don't want her to worry.


Already hurting today...mainly in my upper body and my head is killing me.  I don't want to spend the day laying around, I want to hang out with Cyd, but I also have to work a short shift tonight and need my energy for that.  


I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.